Woman In Chains

I think some men have ESP. Counselor sends me one of his classic "just thinking about you" messages through someone else. My employee's email to me reads, "P.S. (Counselor) told me to tell you hello." It's like he knows I'm heartbroken and says to himself, "Here's the perfect opportunity to get her on the hook. Like shootin' fish in a barrel." 

This, after I find out the guy I've been pining after is so clueless of my pining he decided to tell me all about the girl he's pining after. Yeah. That's fun. Like being given a swirly into my own private toilet of self-loathing with a cherry topper of humiliation just for shits & giggles. It's remarkably unsettling to realize I've misread all the signs, that there never were any signs, that I'm about as significant to him as background music. He'd notice me if I weren't there but when I am there he doesn't really notice. It makes me question everything - my judgement, my choices, my actions, my reactions.

The man I want doesn't want me and the man who is trying to get my attention really doesn't want me either. He just wants me to pay attention to him because, well, I have no idea why. Christ. I'm 39. Is there even a point to all this? I'm a Woman In Chains that I've put on myself. And the worst part of it is, I let this happen. I'm letting this happen now. I'm a smart girl but when it comes to matters of the heart I'm pure imbecille deficiente. Oh boo hoo. Wake up Amy. Smell the Sanka. Take your own advice. ADMO, pronto.