I Could Write A Book

I reveived a message from a guy last night. "Hey, babe. Been a long time. Let's get together." Great. Problem is in a subsequent message he asked, "By the way, got any tics for the Pacquiao fight? Can't hurt to ask." I'm so tired of guys asking me for hookups. I Could Write A Book on all the stupid one liners from men asking me for things. It's exhausting and infuriating. Ok, so there are times when I use it as currency. I'm not stupid. I take care of the tour guy from Coldplay so that my life gets exponentially easier on show day. But when guys use flirting as a foray into getting free tickets it's insulting. Do you really think I'm that dumb? At least have the decency to be a better liar and pretend you actually like me for more than 3 minutes before asking me for tickets to Paul McCartney. The true test is when I tell them no. If they actually continue to feign interest they might have a shot at a future show. Hey, I'm not proud. I'll buy generic peanut butter just because it's on sale knowing full well it's not as good as Skippy Super Chunk. Sometimes all you need is the taste, not the real thing. 

I've gotten some pretty good thank you gifts over the years. Lots of gift certificates, half a dozen Tiffany boxes, flowers, fruit, massages. But the best gift, the one I have yet to receive, is a simple hand written card that reads, "I know you know I'm not really into you, that I'm just using you for your connections so in the interest of fair play here's $1,000 for services rendered." 

Yeah, go fuck yourself.