Different Lifestyles

I'm back from my little Meh-he-ko jaunt. It was nice. Just what I needed to recharge my batteries for another couple of months. I gibed at my friends for being so chatty but some of the conversations gave me a little perspective. I went with some of my girls from college, all with distinct vantage points in their lives. Some married, some divorced, some kids, some not, some single, some in fucked up relationships, all of us grateful for where we are and confident we're 100x better now that we were in college.

One of the conversations I had was with my friend who is a ridiculously successful businesswoman. Probably the most successful woman I know personally - and by successful I mean she makes a shitload of money, because let's face it, that's how we measure success. She told me that she was a bit nervous to have one of her volunteer groups over to her house because she didn't want them to see how well she was doing - her home is sizable at 5,000+ square feet in an exclusive community. What struck me was that she was embarrassed about her self-made wealth. Men don't feel like that. Men are the opposite. They actively show off all they have - and even brag about things they don't have. I know some women do that too but in my experience it's much more prevalent among men. I felt a tremendous amount of anger when she told me this. Don't you dare feel bad about being successful. Be proud that you have what you do. You deserve it. You've EARNED it. In truth she doesn't dwell on it. It was more just a passing comment but it got me thinking, why do women feel bad about being successful and are even punished for it sometimes? We get overlooked by men when it comes relationships because we're too controlling, overbearing, threatening, make too much money, whatever. We get sneered at by other women who can't understand why we're not married or why we prefer to have a life before we create one. We get down on ourselves for buying into this notion that even though we're successful in business we're somehow less successful in life because we aren't Suzy Homemaker. It's ludicrous. Sometimes I wonder if I had met Mr. Right in college and got married like most of my sorority sisters would I have gone on to do all the things I've done? Would I still have the drive to take risks? Would  I have the desire to make things happen or maintain the restless need to do more? Or would I be content as perhaps a mom or wife? Would that be enough? In the end I'll never know. It's like when I ask myself what would my life be like had I been born looking like Lucy Liu or had I not been adopted. I'll never know what might have been between the Different Lifestyles but it's an interesting exercise in futility at 11.13p on a Friday night.