I went to dinner with M the other night. He was about an hour late. So irritating but I cut him some slack because I know how busy he was. We met at Seablue (shocker) and spent about 4 hours there. Somewhere around hour number 2 I literally caught myself not listening to a word that was coming out of his mouth and thinking, "Jesus, Amy. What were you thinking?" There was a time not too long ago when I really liked him. Really liked him. Like, like-liked him. He's got a special quality. A warmth and real-ness that I connected with. A year ago I would have shoved a little old lady in front of a bus to date him. And it's funny because he's the opposite of my type. But that night at dinner I looked at him and thought wow, someone was looking out for me because at that very moment I couldn't imagine being with him or understand what drew me to him in any romantic fashion. Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing guy, a guy I have a tremendous amount of respect for and a person who will probably be one of my friends for a very long time. I just wonder what happened in a year that turned me off? He didn't do anything; I haven't seen or spoken to him in a year. It's clearly me. I'm the one who changed. Is it because of Counselor? Or because of Tequila-guy? If I had to guess I'd say it's probably a combination of both. After the closeness & affection of Counselor and the magnificence & manhood of Tequila-guy, my standards are a tad bit high. That may a problem because they were high to begin with.
I guess it took a year for me to figure out What I Don't Want and I already know what I do want - so what's stopping me from getting it? That's the million dollar question...
since im reading alot of these posts at once i might as well leave a comment on them :-). my first question is do your friends and work people read this blog?
ReplyDeleteI doubt it but they might. If you read my blog you know I'm very passive aggressive so even if they do, I still get my point across. I don't think anyone who doesn't work in this industry has any idea how much we get hit up for tics and how much we get asked about "what's fun to do in Vegas" questions. I was just fed up when I wrote this post.
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