Something clicked for me tonight. A friend of mine told me that Counselor was dating someone, that he had a girlfriend now. Instead of feeling heartbroken or getting that all-too-familiar ache in my gut I actually felt relieved, not jealous of her or bitter towards him. It was like I'd been holding my stomach in for months and I was finally able to let go and breathe. It was strange. I'd never had this reaction before. Maybe I'm in denial, maybe it hasn't hit me yet, or maybe, just maybe, I've finally realized I'm ok without needing to be in love with him.
But the whole notion of love got me thinking, can you live a full life without experiencing love in return? Of course. People do it all the time. I guess what I'm wondering is: can I? I'm not being melodramatic or suicidal. I'm just curious. I've often said the worst thing I can think of in terms of my life is that I wake up after 80 years and realize I've never been loved in return - real love - by someone who makes the choice to be in love, with me. I'm not talking family & friends. I'm talking soulmate. I always thought, what a waste of a life if you live the entire thing and never feel that kind of love in return. I don't know. I don't have any answers. I'm just Thinking Out Loud.
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