Good Enough

Today I was there when a friend needed me, one of my best friends, Big Rod. He asked me if I'd pick him up from the hospital after a minor surgical procedure. There was no question. I'd drop everything for that kid, even at 7.30a this morning. I love him like my baby brother. Around 6.50a he BBMed me telling me to go back to sleep. He wouldn't be done until 9.30a. At that point I was already up so I grabbed my Mac Air and checked Twitter. Not much going on the feed so I hopped into the kitchen for my 'new normal' of juicing. It's much better when I'm not rushed. I like to be able to take my time. I like to put the vegetables in the juicer by color. It's silly because when it's finished it all gets mixed together anyhow but it's part of my OCD, control-freak nature. It's part of the fun.

I managed to get out of the house by 9.00a and to the Same Day Surgery lobby @ St. Rose Dominican Hospital, Sienna Campus by 9.20a. As I turned to look for a seat the nurse called me in. Perfect timing. Big Rod was a little loopy after his procedure but in good spirits. Nothing serious but he couldn't drive home because of the anesthesia A short while later there were minor complications and he was in serious pain. Big Rod has that nickname for a reason. He's 6'5" 250. Big. And to see a man of his size suffering, to see my dear friend in pain, and not be able to do a thing about it was excruciating. In time the doctor came and he was well on his way to some relief. 

I was there from 9.30a until 4.30p. I left for about 45 minutes to go shoe shopping when the nurse kicked me out so they could fiddle with him but other than that he was a captive audience to my mindless rambling about my non-existent love life. He hates hearing about it. "Oh God Zopfi," he says to me all the time. But he was my hostage so I made him listen to me talk about Motorcycle-guy... and coincidentally right then Motorcycle-guy shot me a text. I hadn't heard from him in a week and a half. He'd been in Hawaii with his girl-du-jour so I took this as a good sign that he text me when he got back to town. He said he gained 5 lbs on vacation and needed to get back to juicing. I told him if he broke up with his girlfriend he'd lose 120 lbs. Yeah, not exactly a classy move but I needed to be bold. Let him know I'm serious in a playful, passive-aggressive manner. (I know, I know. I'm disturbed.) A couple of texts later he asked me if I knew anyone at Lavo or Tao. He needed a hookup. A hookup. He didn't want to talk to me or give a crap about where I was or what I'd been up to. He needed something from me. I told him I didn't know anyone at either place, which is true. I'm not a club kid. Never have been. Damnit. I was disappointed. He's such a good guy, and smart and cute and charming and blah blah blah. I thought he had potential to be different, and he may still but until proven otherwise he falls into the annals of the rest of the good men who just want things from me instead of want me. I realize I am overreacting and blowing these simple texts out of proportion and reading way too much into his words. It's hard not to though. If it quacks like a duck… and man have I known a lot of ducks. Poor Amy. Boo hoo. Yeah, I'll get over it. It's just unpleasant to be reminded that no matter how hard I try I can't stop being me, and that even if it's not good enough for some it has to be Good Enough for me because I can't escape myself.