Today is Easter. Sunday. Sunny and 78 outside. Only 366 short days ago (ok, it really wasn't but Easter doesn't fall on the same day every year and it's a Leap Year so 366 sounds more poetic) I walked up to Green Valley Presbyterian and saw Counselor standing outside, BlackBerry in hand, crisp white dress shirt, striped blue tie, black suit pants. Perfection. That day changed my life. Over the next year I had more love, heartache, sex, tears, fun, joy, disappointment, intimacy & laughter than I did in my previous 39+ years combined. I fell in love, again. Had my heart broken, again. Found myself, again. Fell in lust, again, and again, and again, and again. And again. I lost my brother, grew closer to my family, gained 20lbs and had no idea what I was doing on any given day. I jam packed my life with nicknames like Counselor, Tequila-guy, M, the Cop, the Fireman, Secret Agent-guy & most recently Motorcycle-guy.
In 1 year I've come full circle. I'm right back to where I was, but somehow I'm different than I was. My heart still aches for now knowing that the one I loved never loved me, for the brother that I lost, for the pain the scars of past mistakes inflict. Better? I don't know. Smarter? I doubt it. Happier? Not really. More genuine? Barely. Still learning? I hope so.
So on this Easter Sunday instead of giving thanks that Christ has risen and all that crap (Yeah, yeah, blaspheme this. God gets my sense of humor.) I'm being my normal selfish self and writing about the year that changed my life. Given the title of this blog I never expected these posts to end up the way they have. It was supposed to be about Chris Botti and my travels across the country to see his shows. Instead it's turned into a chronicle of my wonderfully messed up life and all the players in it.
Maybe one day I'll have a son or daughter who will be able to read this blog and know who their mom really was. How deliciously terrifying.
So on this Easter Sunday instead of giving thanks that Christ has risen and all that crap (Yeah, yeah, blaspheme this. God gets my sense of humor.) I'm being my normal selfish self and writing about the year that changed my life. Given the title of this blog I never expected these posts to end up the way they have. It was supposed to be about Chris Botti and my travels across the country to see his shows. Instead it's turned into a chronicle of my wonderfully messed up life and all the players in it.
Maybe one day I'll have a son or daughter who will be able to read this blog and know who their mom really was. How deliciously terrifying.
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