Amie

I don't understand men. At all. So I'm at work last night waiting for the show to be over. OVER. I was so done with this week that I just want to go home. And it was only 6.30p. Then I get a text and it's Motorcycle-guy. His boys were @ the arena already and he was gonna pop over. He gets to the arena and I go grab him @ the upper turnstiles. Christ he looks good. Dark jeans, untucked dress shirt, clean cut. Holy God thank you. I needed this boost more than I realized. I still remember the first time I saw him backstage at a fight. He was charming, hot and in a suit. I was sweaty, exhausted and a mess. I wasn't even in the mood to flirt but I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to him, not in a weird-Zen way but in a I-feel-really-comfortable-with-you kind of way. Anyhow we were going to just go to Shibuya for sushi but his boys wanted him to come down to Zippy's office to hang first. Initially I was kinda irritated because I wanted some alone time with Motorcycle-guy and we were both STARVING but we went down anyway. And it's a good thing we did. 

There are 5 of us shooting the shit in Zippy's office. At some point Motorcycle-guy picks up one of Zippy's guitars and starts playing it. Like really playing it. He strummed for about an hour. Sometimes we requested songs - just goofing around, sometimes he just played in the background when the others were telling stories. It was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen. His buddy was kinda drunk and kidding around with lyrics and made up his own words to Amie by Pure Prarie League while Motorcycle-guy played. I grabbed a quick video clip of it with my phone but to protect their privacy I won't post it. It was cute. "Amy, what you wanna do? I think I could stay with you, for a while if you drink a champagne with (Motorcycle-guy)." On at least 2 occasions we had some serious 'lingering' eye contact. You know, when it's more than a glance but not as long as a creepy stare. I was completely conscious of this so I made him look away first. I got butterflies. I haven't had those in a long, long time. He has a great smile and a warm, manly laugh. At some point that night I told him his new nickname (yes he knows I call him Motorcycle-guy) was probably going to change to Guitar-guy. I was going to call him Hockey-guy because he plays but I loathe hockey so much I can't bring myself to do it. 

So the other guys were getting drunker in Zippy's office and Motorcycle-guy and I were now ridiculously hungry. It was 9.45p and we needed to be @ Shibuya by 10.00p or we'd be out of luck so we ditched them. We made small talk on the way up to the restaurant. He told me he was headed to Maui and Kauai next week. He'd never been so he was really looking forward to it. I would be too. We got to Shibuya just in the nick of time to be seated & order food. I got my standard salmon sushi. He got a couple of rolls and some sashimi. While we're waiting for our food I asked, "So who are you going to Hawaii with?"

"Remember the Asian girl I told you I was seeing?" After that comment, I stopped listening. I know I continued to participate in the conversation but I completely lost sight of the specifics of what we were talking about. Are you fucking kidding me? I managed to fall for YET ANOTHER guy who has a girlfriend? In his defense (I can't believe I'm writing that) he did say their relationship was ending but that he was still going on this vacation with her and that it would probably be over when they got back. But right then, at that moment, he was not single. I'm such an idiot. Complete and total idiot. 

At some point after the shock of what he said wore off I remember he said he would take me to go try the live lobster (yes, they cut the critter alive in front of you and you eat it while he's still wiggling) at the same joint we had the live shrimp. All I could think of was, "Why the hell would you want to take me to dinner if you already have a girlfriend?" I tried to play it off and be cool like it didn't matter. But it did. It does matter. Here's a guy who is pretty amazing. He has all the character traits that I'm looking for, both superficial and substantial - a guy who texts me, who calls me, who asks me out to dinner… but just wants to be my drinking buddy? Why the hell is he feigning interest? Here's a guy who needs absolutely nothing from me. He doesn't need a ticket hook up; he's in the same business and can get better hook ups than I can. He doesn't need a fuck buddy; he's already got a girlfriend. He doesn't need a friend to hang out with; he's got a ton of pals to play around with. He doesn't need money; he's got enough to retire in 7 years. What? Am I that amazing of a person that he just wants to be near me? Give me a fucking break. 

After dinner we head back to the arena to find the others. We got back to Zippy's office and I left to go to the bathroom. When I got back there were about 7 people in his office so I just stood in the doorway. The funny thing is I noticed one of the guy's wives was sitting on the end of the sofa, Motorcycle-guy was sitting in the middle and the end seat was empty, like he was holding it for me. I'm sure he wasn't but that's what went thru my head. He looked up over at me and smiled. I smiled back and thought to myself, "You're with the wrong Asian chick (Motorcycle-guy)." 

I got a call on the radio for some work bullshit so I left to go deal with it. When I got back, they were all gone. Around 11.30p I received a text from him. "U fed me and then run off? Where'd ya go?"

"Have fun with your girlfriend in Hawaii," I texted back very passive-aggressively. He came right back at me with, "Later Gator!!!"

As I'm writing this I wish I could look up a blog of his experience with me. It would be interesting to read his interpretation of the night, to hear what he thinks of me, to find out what kind of signals I'm giving out. God forbid I actually ask. I wish I had the courage. Or maybe I don't.

Things never work out the way you want them to or the way you think they should - but it would be nice to believe that happy endings do happen. But I guess that's the thing about endings, you won't know they're happy until your story is over.