Let Him Go

I took the day off today. No particular reason other than I just wanted an extra day to do a little spring cleaning. The chore I hate the most is replacing my air filter. It's a simple task but some genius from DR Horton homebuilders decided to put mine in the angle of the 14' ceiling just above my stairs. So I have to drag out my big-ass aluminum ladder from the garage just to change the filter. I usually buy the 3-month filters so I can partake in this process as little as possible. I had a couple of D-cell batteries in my supply closet so while I had the metal monstrosity up, I changed a couple of fire detectors too. 

Yeah, exciting stuff. I bring it up because it's one of those few things I really wish I had a man in my life who would handle it. Not because it's particularly hard but because it's one of those traditionally 'manly' things. I'm incredibly happy and proud of the independent person my parents raised me to be but I admit, deep down, or not so deep down, I want a man here to lean on, to be there for me, to hang on to. Yeah, in the end I'm just like every other dumb, straight girl who needs a man in her life. Surprise, surprise. Apparently I'm human. 

I went to church on Sunday. It was the first time since I'd officially joined 2 weeks ago. The Sunday prior Dr. Harper announced all the new members but I had Lenny Kravitz and KMA Ali 70 the night before so I knew I would never make it. I didn't really want to be there. Standing up in front of the congregation isn't my cup of tea. Just let me worship in anonymity. I'll get up in front of 12,000 people and give an impromptu speech but when it comes to my relationship with God, just leave me be. I've got it. 

I didn't see Counselor at church this week. I used to be able to feel when he was around. Actually, I used to be able to feel when he was about to show up. I can't explain it. I always knew when he was about to call or pop in to the arena or text me. My friend Mike used to try and convince me it was a gift I had - that we all had, because Counselor and I were so connected, that the world was just that connected, that we were all that connected. I bought it at the time but I think now I may have just been playing the odds. When you think about someone more than you think about yourself you're bound to hit a couple of times. 

I can't feel that anymore. Maybe that's God's way of telling me I'm ready to Let Him Go.