Forgive Us Our Debts

Went to RiRa tonight with my pal Big Rod. Laughed my ass off. The gang there are so funny it's ridiculous. He is such a great friend. Sometimes I think Big Rod & I have the relationship Counselor wishes we had. 

I came home around midnight, checked Facebook and realized I sent a private message to Counselor last night. I had a few cocktails last night so I didn't remember sending it. I unfriended him last week because it was too tempting to check his status, look at his pics and wonder who the new girls were in his life. 

I told him this was my fault. And it is. I'm the weak one. I'm the coward. I'm the one who can't handle it. I'm the one who screwed up and it's something I'll live with. Christ, I'm 40 and still trying to figure out how to have a normal relationship. 

A month ago I would have been sick to my stomach that I sent him this message. Now I'm glad I did. I'm tired of feeling bad, of having regrets. I'm probably going to die sooner than I expect and if my brother's death taught me anything it's to say what you want to say when you want to say it; do what you want to do when you want to do it. 

Forgive Us Our Debts as we forgive our debtors. Hey Jesus. Good line.