I'm Alone Again

I'm Alone Again. Completely alone. Even my temporary roommate has moved out. After 4 months of living a way-too-good-to-be-true lifestyle I've come back down to earth. It really was too good to be true - or at least too good to sustain. But it was true. I lived every minute of it. From the Tequila-man to the secret guy to Counselor - every minute of it. But the one I'm sad about losing is Counselor.

Counselor's gone. I'm heartbroken, regretful, humiliated and wiser. I knew this ending was inevitable, I was just hoping for a different one. He made it crystal clear I should stop hoping. Yeah, life goes on. I mean we've all got 2 choices when faced with pain: either blow your goddamn head off or move on. I've gotten over him before, I think I can do it again, and he won't likely be the last one. It just sucks being that dumb girl. It ain't so fun.

I'm giving myself 7 days to cry, bawl & feel sorry for myself. Then I'm back to doing what I should: living. I'd like to be angry and say I wasted the past 4 months on this asshole but in all honesty, in the aggregate, I had more fun with him (and the others) in the past 4 months than I had in the whole year prior. He's a good guy at heart. I'm just damaged and I miss him. But I've learned a lot about myself and about what makes me happy and about what I need in a relationship - friendship or otherwise. And I can't be upset about that.  

In the words of my dear friend Burt Watson, "Right decisions don't come easy."