I went to dinner with M the other night. He was about an hour late. So irritating but I cut him some slack because I know how busy he was. We met at Seablue (shocker) and spent about 4 hours there. Somewhere around hour number 2 I literally caught myself not listening to a word that was coming out of his mouth and thinking, "Jesus, Amy. What were you thinking?" There was a time not too long ago when I really liked him. Really liked him. Like, like-liked him. He's got a special quality. A warmth and real-ness that I connected with. A year ago I would have shoved a little old lady in front of a bus to date him. And it's funny because he's the opposite of my type. But that night at dinner I looked at him and thought wow, someone was looking out for me because at that very moment I couldn't imagine being with him or understand what drew me to him in any romantic fashion. Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing guy, a guy I have a tremendous amount of respect for and a person who will probably be one of my friends for a very long time. I just wonder what happened in a year that turned me off? He didn't do anything; I haven't seen or spoken to him in a year. It's clearly me. I'm the one who changed. Is it because of Counselor? Or because of Tequila-guy? If I had to guess I'd say it's probably a combination of both. After the closeness & affection of Counselor and the magnificence & manhood of Tequila-guy, my standards are a tad bit high. That may a problem because they were high to begin with.
I guess it took a year for me to figure out What I Don't Want and I already know what I do want - so what's stopping me from getting it? That's the million dollar question...
