Broken Hearted Savior

On Sunday morning I'm headed to Mexico with 6 girls from college. The first of us turns 40 on that day so we're going to celebrate, commiserate & Champagn-erate or Margarit-erate or Tequil-erate. Whatever works. I can't wait to get out of Vegas for awhile, to get lost on a beach & forget about everything... or maybe to sort it all out. This past 2 weeks has been an emotional roller coaster for me and I'm exhausted. I forgot how grueling falling in love can be. I'm not sure what happened to me but I feel like I lost my mind. It's been a long time since I've let myself feel anything for someone since Counselor. I took a chance and it didn't work out. No major drama or big scene. Rather it just kind of fizzled out like a sparkler on the Fourth of July. I'm internally humiliated and outwardly compensating with disgusting bravado. It's is maddening to know there's something lacking in me and nothing I can do about it, and that It's Alright. Maddening. I like to solve problems but how do you solve the problem when the problem is me being me. Ouch. 

The past 14 days ended like they began, quite uneventfully. I'm a different person than I was 2 weeks ago, with subtle yet substantial scars but wiser for having gone thru the experience I guess. I can already feel myself shutting down, closing up like a wound. I guess it's time for me to be my own Broken Hearted Savior. 

It's Alright

Man my feet hurt. Granted I've been in 3' heels all week, but still.

All Star Jam pre-set

The ACMs wrapped up last night with their All Star Jam in the Marquee Ballroom. It rolled along until 1.00a with a barrage of stars like Toby Keith & others that I wouldn't recognize if they took a shit on my doorstep. Many people think it's better than the actual awards show. You get better access; it's a more intimate feel, like seeing a Chris Botti show @ the Blue Note vs. U2 at the O2. Both great shows, just different experiences.

It's Monday morning 9.30a. I'm sitting in my spot in the back corner of the arena floor listening to a little Big Head Todd & The Monsters, It's Alright. It's where I come to clear my head and jot down some notes about the show while they're still fresh in my head. Plus, everyone knows where my office is so there's no place to spend a quiet moment - instead I hide in plain sight. 

The night went well. Not too many surprises. Typical award show event day stuff. There are so many moving parts it's hard to get a handle on all of them. Over the years I've come close but there is always the occasional curve ball. That's what makes them fun.

The riggers and lighting designers are on the stage getting ready for the Girls' Night Out show tonight. I used to hate the second show - mostly because by now my body is so tired it's rebelling against me. But this year I feel great. Not sure if it's my physical body that's to credit or if things this week have been that tame. Either way I'm grateful.

Girls' Night Out Star Chairs

The arena is eerily quiet. Coming in this morning it didn't feel like we have a show today. Now in the arena around 10a things are starting to pick up. Stage hands are striking our green chairs for some fancy gold ones where the "Women of Country" will sit for Girls' Night Out. Couple of other tweaks to the set and floor for the show tonight but other than the content, nothing too much will change. That's the whole point behind doing this Monday show. It's almost a 2-fer-1. Cuts your production costs tremendously because you don't have to re-do a set. And this is the same set we'll be using for our upcoming Billboard Music Awards in May.

Rehearsals get rolling around noon and are in full swing until doors tonight. It's gonna be a long day in these 3' heels.